James 3
But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. James 3:17 NKJV
Godly wisdom will strengthen our relationships with others. Nurturing relationships with God and with people that are placed in our lives should truly be of the utmost importance for us all. Jesus said, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’” (Luke 10:27). Here are some of the ways in which godly wisdom can help us obey these commands by being applied to our daily interactions with others:
1. Wise people are peace-loving. They will avoid a fight whenever possible. “An unfriendly person pursues selfish ends and against all sound judgment starts quarrels” (Proverbs 18:1). They do not take pleasure in debating with others, as constantly striving to win arguments leads to damaged relationships. They do not use terms such as “you always…”, “you never…”, or “you should…”. They do not judge others, criticize, or take it upon themselves to point out flaws. Keep in mind that these are guidelines and not absolutes. There will be times when we will be called to point out a difficult truth to someone who has gone astray. When it is necessary to correct someone else, we need to make sure that our words are based in love, and that we approach him/her with compassion instead of condemnation: “Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently…” (Galatians 6:1).
2. Wise people are considerate. “Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do…” (Philippians 4:5, NLT). They validate other people’s feelings by truly listening and not trying to fix them. Although this is counter-cultural, they are also considerate of other people’s needs, even at the expense of their own.
3. Wise people are submissive to God first, and then to each other. “Submit yourselves, then, to God….” (James 4:7). They acknowledge that God and others are greater and willingly accept that they are lesser. They voluntarily limit what they want to do in order to benefit God and those around them. Those with more power will choose to use their power to serve others instead of making their own lives easier. Instead of fighting authority every step of the way, those that have less power will show respect and honor, and be willing to obey. The concept of submitting to the Almighty God, the Creator of the Universe, who is our Lord and Savior, seems pretty obvious…but submitting to others can be a bit more difficult to accept. But just because it is hard doesn’t mean that those of us with more dominant personalities are off the hook. Paul makes it clear in Ephesians 5:21, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
4. Wise people are merciful. They understand that everyone will make mistakes, everyone has faults, and everyone has bad habits. Instead of giving others what they deserve, they give them what they need: love, mercy, and forgiveness. “Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others” (Colossians 3:13). This builds trust in relationships. It promotes security, honesty, and thankfulness. It also leads to spiritual blessings: “God blesses those who are merciful, for they will be shown mercy” (Matthew 5:7). Proverbs 17:9 says, ‘Love forgets mistakes.’ It’s not that you are blind to someone else’s faults; rather, you choose to overlook them. Great friends are good forgetters. They forget the bad stuff intentionally. They don’t rub it in, they rub it out.
Relationships are vital to a healthy, fulfilled, abundant life. Just like anything that we cherish and want to nurture, relationships take time, commitment and work in order for them to be successful. And if we want our relationships to thrive, be mutually life-giving, and to show the love of Christ, then we also need to remember to purposely add godly wisdom as much as possible. “Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity…” (Ephesians 5:15-16).